i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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