did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
