Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
