No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
