I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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