I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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