So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to make a zoo with you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
