FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
