I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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