I accidentally had phone sex last night
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
