Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
