Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
