counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize