I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize