Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
