He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
