hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
