i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
