Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
