and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
