I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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