Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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