so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
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I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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