More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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