My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You left your phone here
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