Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
