This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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