i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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