I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
