When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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