Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
