No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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