I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
