It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
