Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
