I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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