If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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