Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
