my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
someone owes me an orgasm
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
