I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is wine microwaveable?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
