The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
