i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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