Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
