Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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