if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
