did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what day is it and did you see me today?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
