no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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