And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
