we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I skipped work to stalk him.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why do cheetos always look like penises
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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