No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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