I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
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Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize