I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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