Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize