I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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