That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize