you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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