they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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