i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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