Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
