Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
