Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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