Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
