A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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