I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
