You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
