he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
