No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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