just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
